I used to teach addition and multiplication facts...tables. There were discussions about whether it was right or wrong to give prizes for memorizing them. So, there was that clash between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. I wasn't really sure what I thought the bottom line on that issue was. I just know that I didn't feel guilty for giving prizes for knowing what, for some, were dull, dry math facts.
Then, years later, a friend of mine told me how her mother came to stay with them and potty trained her toddler while my friend was involved with giving birth and taking care of a newborn. It seems that the grandmother gave the toddler M&M's for going to the potty IN the potty!
I felt this yellow flag go up inside of me. But, WHY? Who cares? That little girl learned to go in the potty quickly and without a lot of drama! Now, some might argue that it could set up "eating" issues. But, I say,...or NOT!
Intrinsic OR extrinsic motivation...
I think it's another case of different strokes for different folks. If it gets the desired result then I think it can be valuable. Anytime there's a possibility for a lot of heavy emotions... DRAMA!...around doing apparently necessary things like learning math facts or potty training, I think extrinsic rewards are worth considering! Some of us need a concrete reference point!
That also reminds me of a related subject...
When it appeared that it was time to break my toddler of his pacifier habit, I was not going to simply say "No, you can't have it any more". That seemed arbitrary and too cruel. I cut the "nipple" part down and when he asked for it, I told him that it was broken, that he couldn't really use it anymore. He took it and tried it out and saw that it no longer worked the way he wanted it to and, low and behold, the letting go was so much easier than I expected. I think he was about 16 months old.
I can relate to that myself. Sometimes it seems like it's hard to see when something isn't working for me anymore, especially when I'm experiencing it in an abstract way where I can't really get a grasp on it. Sometimes I can't see it until I have a concrete experience that helps me see that an attitude or rule or belief or behavior or situation no longer serves me for my greater good.
And, in that same vein, I think we often have 'help' that provides the uncomfortable concrete catalyst to get us to wake up and see!
Oh, and by the way, sometimes, just because I think it's time for someone else's behavior to change doesn't mean it is so. I've learned that they, even children, have their own, unique path and I have to decide what role I'll play...going with the flow or against it. There's not one right answer.
It's all good!
